Mary Sue at Hogwarts
by deathnoteuser07
Summary: It's almost New year's, but there's a really BIG problem at Hogwarts: a Mary Sue! Please read & review.


**(Author's Note: Hey guys, here's my New Year's Super Special fanfiction! It's set after Deathly Hallows, and it's AU, so some of the characters will be OOC, or out of character. This is a satire, don't take it too seriously. My writing skills aren't **_**that **_**bad.)**

**(I REPEAT: THIS IS A SATIRE, DON'T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY.) **

Hello, my name is Darcy Gothic Mary Sue Black (I am not related to Sirius, that's simply a coincidence). I'm seventeen, and I'm a goth. I love Hot Topic, the color black, cutting, and emo bands. I really hate preps, posers, Justin Bieber, and…a lot more. I'm _very _beautiful with long, waist-length black hair with natural highlights that change color, icy cold blue eyes that can stare into your soul, and a very pale complexion, like a vampire. Today, I was wearing a black gothic dress, with blood red fishnet tights, and black boots with four inch heels. My highlights were blood red, which matched my tights lipstick, and eyeshadow. I was also wearing black nail polish, and a pentagram necklace.

I made my way over to the Great Hall. A lot of preps were staring at me, so I gave them the middle finger. I sat down at the Goths' table (the houses at Hogwarts has been changed from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin to Goths and Preps) between Draco (who was wearing tight black jeans, converse shoes, black nail polish, and a t-shirt with the words 'Goths Rule Preps Drool' on it) and Harry (who was wearing baggy black pants, a black hoodie over a My Chemical Romance t-shirt, and emerald green contact lenses). We were having breakfast, when Dumbledore stood up from his seat.

"I have an announcement everyone," he said. "Tomorrow is New Year's eve. Normally we celebrate the holiday at school, but tomorrow, you will be able to celebrate at Hogsmeade. This is the first time we've done this, but I hope everyone will be able to go, since it will be very festive, with a countdown and everything."

He sat back down, and we continued eating and talking. After breakfast, we were leaving the Great hall when Draco, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Neville, Cedric, Oliver, Legolas (he's a goth now with long black hair, he's an elf, but he can use magic too), and every hot other guy in the school came up to me at once.

"Darcy, please spend New Year's Eve with me!" they said at the same time. Then, they realized what was happening, and they started fighting each other. They took out their wands, and started firing spells at each other.

"Stop fighting over me!" I cried sexily.

They stopped, and looked at me. "Fine, but you'll have to decide who gets to spend New Year's Eve with you!" they demanded.

"I…I don't know who to pick!" I said, and then I started crying. The tears were flowing down my face (but my magic, waterproof makeup wasn't damaged at all), when Draco came up, and comforted me.

"It's ok, Darcy," he said. "You can decide tomorrow."

"All right," I said, still feeling sad about causing that fight. Then I ran up to the bathroom, and started cutting myself while Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?) by Simple Plan played in the background.

* * *

><p>The next day, I woke up in my room (which was painted black, and it had posters of emo bands on the wall). I changed out of my black pyjamas, and into a short black skirt, a t-shirt with the words 'My Gothic Level is Over 9000!' written on it and black combat boots. I tied my hair up. My highlights were blue today, like my eyeshadow, and I was wearing lip gloss.<p>

I sighed, and made my way over to the Great Hall. While I was walking there, preps started pointing at me and whispering.

"Oh my god, what is she wearing?" Hermione, the biggest prep of them all said. She wearing a pink strapless dress and matching silettos.

"She is such a bitch!" Ginny added. She was wearing a Miley Cyrus t-shirt and sparkly jeans.

At that point, I had enough. I gave them the middle finger, and they gasped and ran off. After breakfast, it was time for a Quidditch match (it was Preps vs. Goths). I made my way over to the stadium. Once I got onto my Firebolt 360 (which was_ so_ much faster than a regular Firebolt), I was feeling a little better. I was a natural at Quidditch (I'm the seeker for the team). I looked down, and I could see my house cheering on me.

The referee blew her whistle, and the game started. Even I wasn't really focusing on the game (because I was trying to decide who I would spend New year's Eve with); I caught the snitch within 2 seconds.

"Goths win!" the referee declared. The preps groaned because it was their 573936th loss. "Oh, and Darcy, that was amazing! I'm going to contact Guinness World Records right now about your amazing catch!"

After the game, Draco, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Neville, Cedric, Oliver, Legolas, and the rest of the guys came up to me, but I still had not made my decision yet.

"You have until tonight to decide!" Harry told me.

I went through the rest of the day feeling depressed, because I just couldn't choose between all of them!

* * *

><p>It was 9:30 at night, and I was at The Three Broomsticks (which had gothic decorations now), waiting for the guys. They came, and they all wanted to know who I picked.<p>

"After a lot of thinking, I finally decided!" I told them gothically. "I'm going to spend New Year's Eve with all of you!"

"All right!" They said. We had left The Three broomsticks, and found out that there was going to be a My Chemical Romance concert! Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Evanescence, and Linkin Park were there too! When it was nearly 12:00, we started counting down.

"10!"

"9!"

"8!"

"7!"

Our countdown stopped when a poof of smoke suddenly appeared on the stage. I gasped when the smoke cleared. It was Voldemort! He looked so preppy with beige pants, an oxford shirt, a navy blue blazer, and a tie! His evil preppy followers were there too! They took out guns, but before they could do anything, I took out my wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!" I shouted.

The guns flew out of their hands, then I killed them with _Avada Kedavra, _but Voldemort didn't seem bothered. He took out his own gun, and pointed it at Harry.

"It's time for you to die, noob!" he said, and pulled the trigger.

"NOOO!" I yelled sexily, and jumped in front of the bullet. It hit me in the heart, and I was immediately dead.

~~~~ THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE~~~~

Right after the Mary Sue was killed, everything returned to canon, including the houses at Hogwarts. Everyone was wearing wizard robes again. Legolas vanished and appeared in Middle Earth, where he belonged. The characters that were supposed to be dead (like Cedric and Voldemort) collapsed to the floor.

Everyone cheered just as the fireworks came on, after the countdown. They were so glad the Mary Sue was finally dead, and they hoped that no one like that would ever appear in the fandom again.

THE END.

**Happy New Year's everyone! **


End file.
